When you hear a doctor deliver the words "Your daughter has a very rare disease called Castleman's. It is actually one that I have never heard of in a child so young, and a disease that I have personally only treated one other time in 15 years", everything he says after that seems to disappear in the loudness of your mind. I remember walking into the doctors office on my birthday October 24, 2013. I was a little nervous, but also felt confident that it would turn out to be nothing. I mean first of all it was my birthday, secondly God would never really allow Katie to get anything more than an infection. I remember sitting in the office asking Katie to sit quietly while I ignored her laughter and played on my phone. I remember the distracted hello I gave to the doctor when he walked in, and how I had hoped he would spit out the clean bill of health quickly so I could continue on with my day. As I watched his body language I began to feel an ache in my stomach and tightening around my heart. He gave me the diagnosis and then said we would schedule an appointment for surgery and more tests and blood work. I left that appointment and remember making a few phone calls to deliver the news but I do not remember much of what was said or how the trip home was. I remember walking into the house and crying into Michael's chest, thinking how could this be happening to us. Our neighbors, and wonderful friends, came over that evening to share in my birthday celebration which I no longer wanted to celebrate. We shared with them our news and found comfort in their words, hugs, laughs, and support. This battle that I immediately felt was my own, has quickly taught me that this is not about me. This battle is Katie's. Things like my phone, tv, or anything else I have allowed to be a distraction are no longer important. I have also learned a lesson in humility.
This Psalm has taught me a great deal about where I was in my life, and where I needed to be.
This battle that Katie is fighting has taught me a great deal about the person I am. It has shown me a strength I never knew I had, and opened my eyes to how entitled I used to feel. The life we have is fragile...when we get sick or hurt it is not a punishment from God, rather a trial through which he will help guide us. This disease that is in Katie is not a punishment or a way of God showing his lack of love....it has truly been a difficult trial which has brought us closer to God, taught us a great deal of lessons in life, and forced me to see how important time is and how man people are truly in our corner.
Katie is the strongest, bravest, and most humble person I know...and from her example I will continue to strive to be even better. I will continue to help her with HER fight, and stand beside her no matter what. She, as well as my husband and 2 other beautiful children, are my greatest blessings in life.
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