Tough Decisions

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 

     There are a few bible verses that have really resonated with me the past few weeks.  The struggles have been hard and the decisions that lie ahead of us for Katie are difficult to make.  We have gone round and round with trying to decide what is the best option and as her parents how we make that decision without guilt later if something were to go wrong.  I have had a hard time sleeping soundly the past few nights and as I was laying in bed I came across this versus from Proverbs and it really hit me:

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path.” 

     The what if's have always been my struggle when it comes to Katie and in life in general.  I fear that we will choose one course of treatment/action for Katie and find out later that it was the wrong one.  What if we choose surgery and the high risks involved take away her mobility in her right arm? She is 3....how do we as parents explain to her that it was our choice that changed her life forever?  What if we choose Chemo and it turns out that the Chemo didn't do anything for her disease and we wasted time and lost the ability to do the surgery?  Being diagnosed with such a rare disease comes with so many unknowns and what if's and all we can do is educate ourselves and to do the best that we can with the information that we are given.

     Though we are trying to make the best decision for her care, no matter how much we weigh the options and how many times we list the pros and cons, God has been directing our path with her and I know that whatever decision we do make it was made through his guidance.  I have also learned that even though there are times I feel alone in this, I am feeling that because I have allowed my fears and stress to mute God's hand in this situation.  We have gone round and round trying to fix Katie, trying to figure out how and why this happened.  The truth is, the how's, why's, and what if's do not matter.  The only thing that matters is that it is a part of our journey right now and as Katie's parents we will continue to do our best to advocate for her, love her, and pursue the best options for as long and healthy of a life that we can. 

    I LOVE THIS BEAUTIFUL, VIBRANT, AMAZING, COURAGEOUS, little girl with all my heart and soul!!!