It is not always clear

     People spend a great deal of time asking why, why me, where are you, why aren't you answering me. One of the things that I have learned over the past 2 years of Katie's fight is that God's answers are not always right in front of you.  If you are really leaving it ALL to God you will recognize his answers as they come in many forms.

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

     This verse from a song is very true to the trials we all face and the answers we all seek.   The begging we do, prayers we send, and answers we seek are answered daily.  I have learned that this week.  We had a very important and very difficult decision to make for Katie's care.  We were faced with two crappy choices for Katie.  Either we chose surgery, which if it worked could give her the best chance at a normal life, but came with some pretty great risks.  The second choice was chemotherapy which is something no parent wants to put a child through.  We cried, prayed, talked, went back and forth for over two weeks and finally came to the decision to move forward with the Surgery.  Regardless of that choice we were both so worried it was the wrong one and that if something went wrong we would feel the weight of that choice forever.  The morning after we decided to move forward, we received a phone call from the pediatric surgeon.  He pulled a few specialists in and spent several hours reviewing her case and decided that the benefits of her surgery did not outweigh the risks.  This surgery would leave her with some life long complications that weren't worth the risk.  

     Did God some directly to us and say THIS IS THE CHOICE....no not at all.  But what he did do was provided us with a team of doctors who sought out the knowledge and help they needed to make a safe decision for us.  God eliminated one of the options for us.  He took the burden of making the wrong choice away from us.  Are we happy with having to do Chemo?  No, but we are happy that Katie has an amazing group of doctors both caring for her and supporting her, who have finally come up with a plan and we are ready to take this on.  

     Katie starts Chemotherapy Monday, there are several steps in her treatment plan, this first one will last 6-8 weeks.  Depending on how effective that trial is, she will then add on a second chemo drug that she will do for an additional 6-8 weeks.  She will then be scanned to see if it had any effect on her disease.  If the answer is no, or not enough, we move forward with a Intravenous medicine called Rituximab.  Though this journey will not be short, it is a plan, and one that will hopefully bring Katie to a point in her Battle where she can experience what it feels like to be a normal healthy child.